Masao Gets A Haircut
by ugh
Summary: Three R.A.s. Two pairs of scissors. One evil plot. One shot at making you people laugh. Enjoy! Rated T for safety


Masao gets a haircut

"Hey, hey, Tennoji! Wake up!" a harsh whisper in the dark said. Whoever it was shook Tennoji.

"What?" Tennoji answered. He looked at his alarm clock. 3 am. "Dammit, Nanba, it's early in the morning! Even for me! Lemme sleep!" He rolled away from where the voice came from and pulled the covers over his face.

Nanba shook him again. "Come ooooooon! I have an evil plan!"

Oh no. "Oh yeah? Well, I'm sick of your stupid little 'plans,' okay? I only want to live my life in Karate-filled PEACE! Leave me alone!"

"I have scissors," he said.

"So?"

"The plan involves our favorite colleague…!"

"… Seriously?"

"Yup," Nanba said. Tennoji could just imagine the smirk on his face, holding up the scissors and ominously snipping it in front of his face.

"Okay, I give in," Tennoji said. "Did you get a pair for me?" he asked, getting out of bed.

"No, I assumed you had some," Nanba said innocently.

Great. "How can you expect me to get my own scissors if all I do is Karate?! Forget it, I'll get some myself."

Half an hour later…

Nanba and Tennoji, scissors in hand, crept down the halls of Dorm 3 with gas masks.

"Oh, the horrors I have experienced here," mumbled Tennoji. "Still give me nightmares."

"Oh, stop being a baby," said Nanba. "We're here to give Masao what he deserves! Not relish the happy times!"

"I didn't say they were happy! You had no mercy for me when I was dying in this hellhole! I lost 20 kilograms!"

"Hush up, we're getting close," said Nanba, acting like a SWAT leader.

They approached the room. It was still dark, almost 4 am. Tennoji's and Nanba's hands were jittering with excitement as they neared the door and turned the knob.

"Hey, it's open," Nanba said. "Do they really trust each other that much here?"

"We do that in Dorm 1, too," Tennoji confessed. Nanba turned around and looked at him funny. It didn't really show because 1, it was dark, and 2, he had a gas mask on. He shook his head and opened the door to Masao Himejima's room.

They heard him snoring in his single room, and his bed was agonizingly far from the door, clear across the room. It was like a horror film. The whole room was littered with life-size statues… of himself. Some in weird poses, some at awkward angels, some in famous poses (i.e. The Thinker), and some were… they gulped… naked.

Moving on, it was an obstacle course to get to his bed. The statues had made it hard to even take a step closer to the melodramatic weirdo sawing away.

The two con artists got to the bed, and stood over Masao like two killers standing over their victim right before a kill. The window's curtains were open, and the full moon light filled the room.

Nanba held up the scissors to his face and the light glinted off as he opened the scissors and closed them again.

"Hey, stop that," Tennoji said. "Let's get this over with, I have to be back by 4:30."

"Okay, alright already," he took a strand of uber-long hair and snipped it in an odd way. "Okay, your turn."

"Heheh, my pleasure," Tennoji chuckled evilly. Nanba joined in.

Snip! went Tennoji's scissors.

Snip! Snip! went Nanba's scissors.

Snippety snip snip snip! went the shiny scissors gleaming in the moonlight into the night.

THE NEXT MORNING!!

"Dorm leader Oscar! Dorm leader Oscar!" a freshman pounded on his door. "Can I come in?"

Masao woke up like he always did, drowsy and disoriented, and stared at the sculptures of himself.

"No," he called. "I'll come to you!" Masao didn't touch his hair in the morning for the hands had finder grease and made the hair dirty. He ventured through the clearly marked path that got him from the bed to the door and opened it.

"Yes, my sweet dove?" he said, leaning against the door frame with a rose in his hand.

The freshman stood there. His expression was first shock, then amused, then shock again, because he remembered he was laughing at the Dorm leader.

"Uhm…" the freshman stammered. "Here's the costume for the next play!" he shoved them into Masao's hands and took off.

"Hmm," Masao wondered. "What was that all about? Ah well, I must go try this new costume on!" he closed the door behind him.

He opened the bathroom door, with his back towards the mirror. He held up the elaborate costume on front of him.

"What talent! What _style_!" he exclaimed. Little did he know the talent and style that made up his hairstyle that morning.

He turned around in that dramatic slow-motion turn that can only be accomplished in anime right before a big shocking scene and stared at his reflection. He blinked a couple times, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He rubbed his eyes and stared blankly at it again.

His hair had been cut. All of his beautiful long hair! His pride and joy! It wasn't even a good haircut! Some spots had straight cuts, others spots were crooked, and with other spots, none of it was cut at all! Everything was gone! Gone! Gone! (A/N: Personally, I think he would look pretty damn good in short hair.) It looked like his hair was cut by his brothers! He sank to his knees and prepared the scream of the century.

The freshman had barely made it off the floor when he heard an ear-piercing scream from the R.A.'s room. Almost immediately, herds of Dorm 3 residents ran to Oscar's room to see the commotion. He quickly ran out of the building, and made his way over to where the two other R.A.'s were hiding in the bushes near Dorm 3.

Let's reminisce:

"Hey, freshman," said a long-haired senior. "Wanna see something funny?"

And the rest is history.


End file.
